“i know i was discussing the talks of a blog post, but it doesn’t feel like the time to anymore especially after everything that has transpired – even though i have been met with overwhelming support (which i appreciate more than you know). just a heads up that this is super long and most of this will have people wondering if a child wrote it due to my lack of care for correct grammar / punctuation and all that jazz:
if you’ve been keeping up with what has been going on, then you know what this is about & if you do not here’s the short rundown. i accidentally cancelled my ex from her scene in story posts i made on a private, personal account of mine which was not my intention (i understand why it seems like it would have been given how long + detailed my stories were & that i did post them regardless) but for years i have posted varying things on my private, personal account about my ex and no one has ever screenshotted / shared it, and few reached out to me privately so i did honestly assume i was venting / expressing my story to the same followers who never shared my screenshots. i honestly was shocked, anxious and mentally drained when i saw the (now deleted) very quick momentum gaining tweet, one of the (now deleted) reddit threads, along with the current reddit + twitter threads & 3 online publications. i am a person with real feelings. i am absolutely no different than anyone who follows me other than i was with someone who had a following and unfortunately that alone made it so people thought it was okay to run with my personal story from my account that has been exclusively private for years and do whatever they wanted with it to the point it’s apparently now public and people can do what they want with it. my ex is also a person with real feelings, and she lost absolutely everything and is seeing first hand what she built for 15 years, the community she loved / one that she contributed heavily to, the art she has done, her music career currently + anything in the future, to the simple things of even just attending a show – crumble beneath her at rapid speed.
i’m not trying to gain sympathy at all, nor is my ex, but we have been talking these past few days about everything and this is what i’ve learned & seen in just a few days that i wish people could understand.
i made a mistake in posting that and not leaving it in my personal life, completely offline. i take full accountability for that.
she fucked up a lot with me, and we had a very unhealthy relationship on both ends that stemmed from trauma bonding as we started dating a month after her ex girlfriend passed away.
my ex being who they are means whatever they do, especially anything not positive, means they are under a harsh public eye. her life is under a microscope filled with people waiting for her to fuck up or do something at all times, prior to this and during this time. i know from my own life has exhausting, unfair at times, and dehumanizing that feels – because you’re put on a pedestal and now have to have essentially a “perfect” off stage life as well as a onstage because if anything remotely negative comes out – cancelled with no chance to take accountability or do any actions the community / scene claims to be so “progressive” and “good” at doing. the hardcore scene and any scene my ex was a part of is incredibly hypocritical to me as an outsider of the scene, as i am someone who would rather see someone take accountability for what they have done, give them a chance to show actual change, encourage them to work on themselves & go from there. if it didn’t work and everything stayed the same, then sure, you showed you do not deserve another chance, but if you did change, then i’m glad you learned something from those events and that you continue to not fall back on old behaviors. be honest with yourself, because we both are right now: have you ever done something in a relationship or to anyone in general and regret it? i do. they do. how would you feel if your absolute worst moments were showcased to the internet & actually ruined your life?
how would you feel knowing you don’t get another chance no matter what you do?
i do not think she is a person who is good for romantic relationships, as her actions really did only ever impact me – not her music, her career, her scene or anything else. i do think she needs to work on herself and do a lot of therapy, take accountability, get sober, and not blame other factors for her behaviors.
as the person who wrote the post, i think she doesn’t deserve to have her life ruined and have everything gone.
if it was my choice, i would let her back in the community, but i would not be in a relationship with her again because i truly think her and i both being single and healing / working on ourselves is the best possible thing both Of us as individuals can do. since i have never been a fan of her music / her genre because i’ve always liked the polar opposite music, i will be supporting her art (she did the logos from my brand and brand merch years ago) and need to revamp them and get new merch designs done.
over the days of us talking, she has made it clear that she is willing to do anything to fix the damage she has caused, as she already took accountability with me for everything addressed. i have forgiven her as a person because the accountability for once was genuine and not blamed on anything but herself. if i can forgive her, i don’t see why you guys can’t.
if fans / people who just don’t like her or myself want to just keep ripping this apart, we have zero control over what you say or do. the comments are ridiculously hurtful and most (saying we / her should kill our selves, every awful transphobic comment imaginable, how mentally ill we both are – which is just tone deaf/rude because it seems like people who have any mental illness aren’t worthy of relationships, etc) are uncalled for
that is my statement and if you are someone who sent me messages supporting me, i really appreciate you and it meant a lot to me. to those who shared their separate stories about their people to me, those stories are safe with me and i appreciate the trust you put in me. lastly, we are choosing to continue to support each other in one another’s journeys despite our breakup and downfall, because we realize one another isn’t perfect. we also know it’s healthier, at least for us, to just not harbor anger & resentment especially if we are both willing to talk to one another about what happened. we also would both just like to go back to our separate, boring lives and not have to keep rehashing this. thank you guys <3.”
Connie Sgarbossa also released a statement of her own, writing:
“Me and my ex have taken the past couple days to truly talk through everything we have gone through in our relationship. I have taken accountability to her privately for the things I owe her and we have worked through it privately because she does not want this to be aired out in public. This process is something between me and her. I have had a very public struggle substances and mental health, I have done a lot of work and gotten clean off many things since me and this person were together and they have seen that, tho I do still have work to do on myself and plan to continue that work through my therapist and psyche and maintaining my medication. People in my past and personal life have deserved a better version of me, and that journey of improvement is one that I know never stops and I am going to continue that journey for myself and for the people I have in my life. I know that this post is coming many days after this all began, but me and her wanted to really make sure that we talked through everything together before we each addressed this for a final time publicly.
I know there has been some criticism that me and her have been talking about this together and about my poorly thought out past post. I had her permission to post that screenshot as something in the meantime while we worked through things, but my wording was poor and not thought out. In regards to us going through this process together and having actual conversations about our relationship, we both feel like the best path to actually having accountability was for the two of us to have those conversations together rather than both of us just walking away or continuing to have a public falling out with the allegations that she never wanted to be public.”